Monday, January 14, 2008


I have been feeling quite distracted for the last couple of days. Distracted, tense, unable to sleep, etc. I should be feeling relieved. Two families that are adopting from the province that An lives in received approvals last week which is the first action we are aware of since September. Their waits were much longer than the average time we were quoted for our next approval and we have been preparing ourselves for a similar delay.

I can't possibly express how happy I am to hear about their approval.

But I wonder if the reality of knowing how long it took for them is causing me a little stress. Before they received approvals, I knew that they were still waiting and knew approximately how long they had been waiting. Perhaps that uncertainty, lack of closure, made it seem less real. But now that I KNOW that it took over ten months to receive provincial approval for one family and that it took over four months to receive travel approval for another, it just makes me sad. And when I'm sad, I get distracted. Does any of this make sense?

One of the things that has been running through my mind is the song Anticipation by Carly Simon. I really do love the song - and many others by her! But it's time to make that music go away. I'm not sure that all the lyrics are appropriate for adoption but here are a few that express what I'm feeling pretty well:

"We can never know about the days to come.
But we think about them anyway."

"Anticipation, anticipation.
Is making me late.
Is keeping me waiting."

So now that I've put them down on paper, can I stop being distracted?

PS - If you are singing along, just know that I don't think I'll ever look back at this wait and think "these are the good old days".


StaceynCorey said...

I'm with ya. I am still hopeful that things will speed up but I'm also quite aware that the time we were quoted is shorter than what we're actually seeing. All this unknown and lack of control will certainly cause you to be distracted. I know I have a hard time getting my homework done yet school was suppose to help me think about something other than the adoption.

I hope your blog will help you regain focus.